Category Archives: weather

by | October 13, 2012 · 9:48 am

Six months (100th posting)

Today marks six months since Lucy passed away. The 80% chance of rain as of last night looks more like a 100% chance of wind and overcast so I will be making a trip to the cemetery today. I still love her and I still miss her. That won’t change.

I’m doing better. I went on a leave of absence at work, which has now become my resignation. As much as I liked my boss, the stress levels I ordinarily handled with ease became insurmountable. I wasn’t ready to go back to work, plain and simple.

At this point if I do go back to work, it probably will not be in an information technology (IT) related field. Rebuilding a life is tough enough without having to rebuild a career for the sixth time. IT changes a lot. When I started in 1980 there were few video display units, punch cards and magnetic tape reels were portable off line storage, mainframes has kilobytes of memory, and 80 Mb “cake box” removable disk packs were $13,000.00 each in bulk. As the technology evolved, the programming languages evolved. I could count on having to learn some exotic new language about every five years. The only constant language was profanity and it is quite universal among developers. I was trying to learn five new technologies at once under deadlines. Perhaps that is best left for the younger crowd. Yet the part I loved about IT was always learning something new and solving challenges. I’ll reassess after New Year’s Day.

I’m still adjusting to solo life. The insomnia is retreating, I’m eating OK, and I’m trying to walk and hike when possible. The weather changes are really causing my knees to let me know I’m not 15 anymore. I have a number of home improvement projects that will keep me busy for a couple of years and I have an extensive collection of books to read. Boredom will not be an issue.

One of the stranger adjustments has been the coupon offers. Lucy was a bargain hunter and we would get a number of buy one get one (BOGO) free offers. Today I received one from Caribou Coffee. If I were to drink two small turtle mochas today, I would be bouncing off the walls until Tuesday. The BOGO meals work out well because I get 2 – 3 days of meals from them. They are a reminder of how lucky I was to have someone to share the offers with on a daily basis. At least I haven’t gained back huge amounts of weight.

Dropping the stress levels to levels that are more manageable has helped me to refocus on healing. Part of the healing is counting blessings. I’m blessed that so many people cared about Lucy. I am very blessed to have you reading this blog because it means you have stuck with me through this journey when the going got tough and to know you care. I’m extremely blessed to have special people who make me smile and brighten my day.

All of us have acquaintances, family, friends and close friends that make our lives better. I can count my closest friends on my left hand and still have my inter-vehicle communication finger (or trigger finger in California) free. Quality is always better than quantity. It’s nice to know those people choose being your life rather than having to be part of your life. C. S. Lewis states this so eloquently as “affection” in “The Four Loves”. Read it for something that stimulates thought and helps make sense of the most complex of human emotions.

For those of you fortunate to have someone special close by, take a moment to tell that person (or persons if you have children) that you care. One can never get too much positive reinforcement. If hugs aren’t awkward or uncomfortable, give a meaningful hug or six. Share a smile with the world. You could brighten the day for someone who needs it.

Thank you for making my world better.

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Filed under literature, rebuilding, weather

by | September 9, 2012 · 4:21 pm

“Silent No More” walk and hiatus time

I made it through the “Silent No More” walk yesterday. It was tough. Last year I did it with the love of my life. This year I did it for the love of my life. The turnout was good, well over a thousand people just for the 2K walk and probably that many again for the 5K run. I couldn’t get any pictures because I was too emotional. The ironic part was how alone one can feel in a crowd. I lost sight of the fact that just because no one is standing next to you doesn’t mean no one cares. Sorry about that.

Thank you for you encouragement and support. I know a few of you wanted to take part but could not. I understand and I’m very thankful you considered joining me. If any of you have participated in the past, you know that the survivors wear teal shirts and the rest of us white shirts. With all the advances made in cancer care, it is still sad to realize that some of the people wearing teal shirts this year won’t be among us next year, and that some of those wearing white will next year wear teal. Ovarian cancer doesn’t get the clever shirts or wristbands that help generate money and it affects a smaller percentage of the population. I hope for a cure for breast cancer so more research dollars can go towards ovarian cancer eradication.

The calendar still says summer but the gardens are saying that it’s fall. I cut back the woody raspberry canes so the green ones will bear more berries next year (even though the Japanese beetles will destroy most of them). The shrub roses are happier now that they aren’t a constant source of bug food. Lucy’s Canadian lilac is doing its unusual second bloom for the tenth year in a row. It is odd seeing lilacs in September. I finally have morning glories after several years of trying, but I lost nearly all of my lilies to the damned chipmunks and squirrels.

Of course, the days are getting shorter, the nights have a crispness not felt in several months, and the highs aren’t in the 90’s as often. Lucy would be spending every evening in the porch enjoying the quiet. It was her cabin without the four hour drive. More changes in the air.

The blog is going on hiatus for a while. I don’t know for how long. It’s been extremely hard for me to find anything positive as of late. Thursday will mark five months since Lucy passed away and each month cuts a little deeper. Losing three people I loved deeply in less than a year has not helped. The new job has definitely not helped. There have been a dizzying number of changes, not all of them positive. Relationships have changed, not all for the better. There is a lot to sort through, and the brain is still foggy and slow. The emotional side says everything is doom and gloom even though the rational side says it isn’t. I need to get those two to STFU and play nice again.

I am blessed to have all of you support me through these dark days. I am eternally grateful to those of you who went far above and beyond for me. I will still be there for people when they need me, that hasn’t changed. I know things will turn around, but it takes time. All it takes are some positive changes to occur. Those of you who are close to me know I will move heaven and hell to keep my word. I promise I’ll be back and I hope you’ll wait patiently to read my musings.

Give your loved ones a meaningful hug today. You’ll brighten that person’s day beyond words. Tell them you care about them. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.

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Filed under administrative, gardening, rebuilding, weather

by | August 11, 2012 · 11:03 pm

“Come Monday” (it will be four months)

Unlike me, Lucy was not a Jimmy Buffett fan. After we had dated a year, I took a job that required “10% travel”. The problem was 10% was closer to 80%. I spent quite a bit of time in Los Angeles, so I was quite familiar with “I spent four lonely days in the brown L.A. haze, and I just want you back by my side”.

Come Monday, it will be four months since Lucy died. I haven’t been in the brown L.A. haze in over 25 years, but I still want Lucy back by my side. The grief counselors have said it can take a year for most of the healing to occur. I don’t think they have counted on another family death and a very stressful job. If I were to believe Nietzsche, “What does not kill me, makes me stronger”, I should be invincible and immortal by now rather than missing her with every beat of my heart. It’s an adjustment all right.

I’m still having some problems with staying organized. I found my Houlihan’s birthday perk tonight and had to use it because it was expiring tonight. Note to self: jambalaya just before 90 minutes of yard work is not recommended. No one ever recommends a big meal before a workout.

The Japanese beetle infestation is tailing off for the year. My roses are faring OK. We have been getting slightly more rain as evidenced by the new crop of mosquitoes. The cooler and less humid weather has been nice, too. On nights like tonight, Lucy and I would be sitting in the porch listening to the tree frogs, crickets, and toads. We would watch the fireflies twinkle and enjoy the cool breeze. I haven’t seen any fireflies yet, and I’m surprised to hear an occasional cicada.

The reason I’m posting tonight instead of Monday is I expect inundation at work come Monday. I was off Monday, Thursday, and Friday.

Here’s something for the computer geeks: On the plus side, I did have to replace the hard drive on my desktop system (Vista Business) which was relatively painless. And I have figured out how to get the VPN at work to deal with dual monitors at home. The downside is I have two mismatched monitors, so RDP (mstsc) has a hissy fit during certain screen operations. Costco might have some 24″ Dell monitors that should work. That should allow me to spend less time in the office because I can work a couple of hours from home with almost the same set up as at work. The video card I have is a triple head card, so I could run three monitors. The system at work has a dual head video card. RDP gets confused enough the way it is, so I’ll stick to two monitors at home.

As I have been so painfully reminded these past twelve months, life is unpredictable. Lost opportunities can become regrets, so eliminate a huge regret before it happens. Make your hugs meaningful and never miss an opportunity to tell your spouse, partner, or significant other that you love them. Let your loved ones know you care for them, even if they know. Brighten someone’s day by smiling. I did that with Lucy every day we were together. I miss her, but it’s not the paralyzing sense of loss many people experience. I’m sure it’s because we had no regrets with each other.

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Filed under family, gardening, music, rebuilding, weather

by | August 4, 2012 · 7:36 pm

5, 6, pick up sticks…

The thunderstorm last night did very little damage. There were two impressive wind blasts that ripped through. My poor little anemometer showed a peak gust of 22 mph, but according to the Beaufort scale, the wind was roaring at close to 60 mph at times. I did get about ½” of rain. Here’s hoping I get a chance to mow the yard this week. I filled my yard waste container just with the clumps of leaves ripped from the silver maples. Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes! It’s amazing how many restaurants start giving a senior discount at 55. Lucy was quite the bargain hunter and was looking forward to my birthday this year. I have a goodly stack of Buy One Get One (BOGO) free offers. The problem is most of them are expiring between the 11th and the 18th. Lucy’s birthday was February 5th. We would each sign up for these offers. The six month spread meant we could burn off the calories by the time the next wave of offers came through. Please keep my father-in-law in your thoughts and prayers. He’s had a terrible year and is battling some health issues. Losing my mother-in-law and Lucy eight months apart has not helped. He’s one of the nicest people in the world, too. It’s still insane at work. I went in for several hours today and will get use the VPN tonight to try getting a bit more stuff done. The yard work is slipping a bit and the kitchen is getting cluttered. Lucy wouldn’t be happy with that. The rain perked up the tamarisk, and the blue flax is reblooming. The white flax might bloom again. The Rudbeckia plants are blooming or close, and the bee balm and Echinacea are having a banner year. Even the clematis plants which got pummeled in a previous wind storm are blooming like crazy. I’m still trapping Japanese beetles, but it looks like they are winding down. I’m finding cicada skins all over the place and even got to see the final minutes of one emerging from the beetle skin and becoming a green flying insect. The dragonflies are plentiful and I saw a few iridescent damselflies this year despite the drought. I did have to see Lucy today. Even when I was doing the heavy business traveling, we always managed to spend time with each other for our birthdays. The string is still intact, though I will miss her birthday kiss. That’s one of the large number of adjustments one makes after losing a spouse. There are so many little things that go into a marriage, yet when all those little things are gone, it leaves a gaping hole. It’s also part of the healing process. One learns to adjust and keep trying to move forward. Thank you again for the birthday wishes!

Lucy's bouquet from the cemetery

Lucy’s bouquet from the cemetery

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Filed under family, gardening, rebuilding, weather

by | July 22, 2012 · 3:26 pm

“Warm ’nuff for ya? Cripes!”

When I heard someone utter that quote this morning in the checkout line at Cub Foods, I looked around to see if the Coen Brothers were shooting a sequel to “Fargo”. While the past several weeks have been in the mid to upper 90’s with a couple of 100+ days thrown in, today wasn’t too bad. These are air temperatures, not heat index readings, by the way. I’m sure in a few months I’ll hear someone (probably me) complaining about the cold and wind chill. For those of you in the south metro area, the Genesee condos at American Boulevard and Penn Ave. S. are nearing completion. There are a couple of interesting food places that will also open soon. One is Moe’s Southwestern Grill and the other is Which Wich. I believe these are the first in Minnesota for either chain.The El Loro’s at 84th and Lyndale opened two months ago, and there is a rib place in Eagan called Rack Shack that I want to try sometime. Lucy would have enjoyed any of these new places.

The video card in my desktop conked out in a blaze of glory this morning. Apparently two of the wires to the power connector got too close to the CPU fan. Over the course of a few days, the insulation wore away. Even at 5 volts, having a hot and a return short against each other is not a good thing. The video card went from an old GeForce GT 8800 to a dual head GeForce GTX560ti. I have to find a VGA to DVI converter to hook up a second monitor. Of course, the drivers are taking forever to load, and with Vista, I’m sure there will be the requisite and ubiquitous reboots.

There has not been a lot of rain lately. The weather folks are mentioning drought again despite our year to date rain total running 6 inches over normal. Unfortunately, the Japanese beetle harvest goes on. I think I am approaching 10 pints of beetles. As much as I hate using lawn chemicals, I’ll be dumping Grub-X on the yard this fall and next spring.

Work will be insane this week. I’m trying to enjoy a little downtime today. I do hope the pace throttles back a little. I know those of you still in the work force by and large have had to do more with less. Those of you in retail or the service industry have noticed people are not has happy as they should be, either.

Since it’s hot and people aren’t very cuddly right now, make your hugs meaningful!

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Filed under rebuilding, weather