I made it through the “Silent No More” walk yesterday. It was tough. Last year I did it with the love of my life. This year I did it for the love of my life. The turnout was good, well over a thousand people just for the 2K walk and probably that many again for the 5K run. I couldn’t get any pictures because I was too emotional. The ironic part was how alone one can feel in a crowd. I lost sight of the fact that just because no one is standing next to you doesn’t mean no one cares. Sorry about that.
Thank you for you encouragement and support. I know a few of you wanted to take part but could not. I understand and I’m very thankful you considered joining me. If any of you have participated in the past, you know that the survivors wear teal shirts and the rest of us white shirts. With all the advances made in cancer care, it is still sad to realize that some of the people wearing teal shirts this year won’t be among us next year, and that some of those wearing white will next year wear teal. Ovarian cancer doesn’t get the clever shirts or wristbands that help generate money and it affects a smaller percentage of the population. I hope for a cure for breast cancer so more research dollars can go towards ovarian cancer eradication.
The calendar still says summer but the gardens are saying that it’s fall. I cut back the woody raspberry canes so the green ones will bear more berries next year (even though the Japanese beetles will destroy most of them). The shrub roses are happier now that they aren’t a constant source of bug food. Lucy’s Canadian lilac is doing its unusual second bloom for the tenth year in a row. It is odd seeing lilacs in September. I finally have morning glories after several years of trying, but I lost nearly all of my lilies to the damned chipmunks and squirrels.
Of course, the days are getting shorter, the nights have a crispness not felt in several months, and the highs aren’t in the 90’s as often. Lucy would be spending every evening in the porch enjoying the quiet. It was her cabin without the four hour drive. More changes in the air.
The blog is going on hiatus for a while. I don’t know for how long. It’s been extremely hard for me to find anything positive as of late. Thursday will mark five months since Lucy passed away and each month cuts a little deeper. Losing three people I loved deeply in less than a year has not helped. The new job has definitely not helped. There have been a dizzying number of changes, not all of them positive. Relationships have changed, not all for the better. There is a lot to sort through, and the brain is still foggy and slow. The emotional side says everything is doom and gloom even though the rational side says it isn’t. I need to get those two to STFU and play nice again.
I am blessed to have all of you support me through these dark days. I am eternally grateful to those of you who went far above and beyond for me. I will still be there for people when they need me, that hasn’t changed. I know things will turn around, but it takes time. All it takes are some positive changes to occur. Those of you who are close to me know I will move heaven and hell to keep my word. I promise I’ll be back and I hope you’ll wait patiently to read my musings.
Give your loved ones a meaningful hug today. You’ll brighten that person’s day beyond words. Tell them you care about them. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.