Thank you

Thank you to everyone who contributed and sent best wishes for today’s HOM Teal Strides for Ovarian Cancer walk! ‪#‎tealstrides ‪#‎cancersux

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Even the road less traveled is under construction

Pavement rehab sign

Pavement rehab? Maybe this is what Amy Winehouse sang about.

Robert Frost’s famous poem “The Road Not Taken” ends with the last two lines:

I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I can tell Mr. Frost did not reside in Minnesota, because during this summer even the road less traveled is under construction with alternate routes having little difference on delays and frustration levels.

The harshness and duration of Minnesota winters ensures that the snow free season sees a significant increase in traffic. People living here want to get on the road to enjoy time on or near one of well over 10,000 lakes or several thousand miles of rivers. Annual temperature swings of at least 110°F are common and those extremes in temperature are tough on roads. Excessive salt is not good for man nor beast, and the same is true for roadways. Salt eats away at bridge trusses and road surfaces, which allows water to seep into the paving material through the summer. In some cases, a road literally explodes in hot weather from the trapped water forming high vapor pressure.

The major thoroughfares in the metro area need work, and this year the number of projects and their timings are curious. Highway 100 has become the Highway to Hell for people in the western metro. If a major highway is under construction, rest assured that several side streets on either side of it are also ripped up or covered in tar and rock chips. One saying I heard repeatedly in management training and from sports coaches is “Short term pain for long-term gain.” The question getting asked is what is really the gain with some of the projects? The Minnesota State Fair, the Minnesota Renaissance Festival, Valley Fair and Canterbury Downs are either open or will soon open. Shortly thereafter, colleges and universities begin swelling their populations with students, many from out-of-town. Traffic levels increase this time of year, so one would think the road projects would be near completion. This year, one would be sadly mistaken.

I have spent a lot of time traveling in Wisconsin, Iowa an South Dakota this summer, and Minnesota has the most road construction underway. The construction is not limited to the Twin Cities metro area. I-35 has about 25 miles of construction zones south from the Twin Cities to I-90. I-90 has about 55 miles of pavement rehab underway. Minnesota 70 has a several mile detour. Sometimes construction begins with no advance warning and local businesses suffer.

Smartphone GPS apps and GPS units with live traffic updates are an accessory almost as precious as air conditioning and automatic transmission. Some of the smartphone apps allow for “crowd sourced” updates, meaning a passenger in the vehicle indicates what traffic challenge lies ahead: accident, traffic jam, object on the roadway, or unexpected construction. I can find my way around most of the metro area without needing a map, but I use my GPS app because of traffic.

Before visiting the Twin Cities during this endless construction season, pack some snacks, make sure you have good music to help pass the time in traffic jams, and update your GPS device or app before getting in the car. Allow some extra time and enjoy the endless sea of brake lights and orange cones. After all, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that matters…or so we have been told.

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2015 HOM Teal Strides team information

The “Journey of the Teal Owl” HOM Teal Strides team is up for 2015. Please join me September 12, 2015 at Rosland Park in Edina. If you can’t make it, you can join as a “sleepwalker”. Donations are tax-deductible, the walk fee is NOT.

Team Page: http://2015ts.kintera.org/journeyofthetealowl
Donation Page: http://2015ts.kintera.org/kenhopperstad

Approximate schedule of events:

Day of Registration / T-shirt pick up  7:30 am – 8:30 am
Survivor Photo  8:30 am – 8:40 am
Program – Honoring the Women of MOCA 8:45 am – 9:00 am
5K Run 9:15 am
2K Walk  9:45 am
Kids Fun Run 10:30 am
Awards 11:00 am

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Going home again

My hometown is Emmons, Minnesota, located almost smack dab on the center of the Minnesota-Iowa border, roughly an hour and a half drive south of the Twin Cities. It is primarily in Freeborn County, Minnesota with portions of the town extending into Winnebago County, Iowa and Worth County, Iowa. That geographical quirk worked to some people’s advantages while trying to ditch the local sheriff’s deputy assigned to police duty, or for legally consuming alcohol when Iowa and Minnesota had different “legal ages”. Some of that frivolity is fodder for a future post, though names and dates may change to protect the guilty or irritate the innocent despite the statute of limitations expiring long ago.

For some people, going home again is not always easy. Sinclair Lewis wrote two thinly veiled blistering accounts of his hometown of Sauk Centre, Minnesota, “Main Street” and “Babbitt”. Babbitt has nothing to do with the similarly named Iron Range town. Charles Bronson allegedly snarled, “I’d spit on it” when asked about he would do on his next visit to his coal mining hometown in Pennsylvania.

My experience is not negative. Hometowns are the source of many firsts when one is growing up: first friends, first crush, first broken heart, first beer, and first unselfish act. Obviously, there is also the ubiquitous first stupid act, but I can safely say there were enough of them to confuse which one was really first, though in my defense, I am using a trinary numbering system consisting of “one”, “two”, and “many”.

I left Emmons in July 1975 a few weeks after graduation and have been back sparingly during the past forty years. My 40-year high school reunion was held this weekend in the local VFW hall. I have been back for a few of my high school reunions, but either the reunions were held out-of-town, or I was on a very tight deadline because of work commitments and could not spend any time exploring. I missed the reunion in 2010, so this was the first opportunity to see downtown Emmons during daylight hours in at least a decade. It was also my first chance to visit the farms I lived at and a few other nostalgic landmarks before reconnecting with a special group of people.

Interstate 35 (I-35) traverses north and south about seven miles east of Emmons and is a busy expressway connecting Duluth, Minnesota to Laredo, Texas. While it provides a quick route from the Twin Cities, it siphoned off much of the traffic that used to travel U.S. Highway 69 through Emmons, Lake Mills, and Albert Lea. I was driving to Lake Mills for their annual July Jubilee event, so my route extended a few miles farther south exiting I-35 at the Diamond Jo Casino east of Lake Mills. A ten-mile drive on a two-lane pavement brought me to Lake Mills. Country driving is quite scenic, but is also fraught with insects as evidenced by the splatters on my freshly washed car. A large hawk looked up from a raccoon carcass on the shoulder of the road as I drove past, but ignored me otherwise. Gophers scurried across the pavement unknowingly playing chicken. A kestrel sat atop a utility pole enjoying a freshly caught meal. An old saying states that corn plants “knee-high by the Fourth of July” ensure the crop survives until harvest. From what I saw, all the corn was easily thrice that height.

Since I was a couple of hours early, I headed north out of Lake Mills on a “minimal maintenance” township road. These roads have gravel or crushed limestone surfaces and can have some serious ruts running across them, which can make handling an open soft drink an adventure. The crushed limestone soon coated my car with a patina of pale yellow dust and the small rocks bouncing off the undercarriage made a sound I had not heard in years as I drove towards a farm my great uncles and great aunts lived on until the mid-1970s. One ironic change I noticed was the southern portion of the acreage south of the gravel road (now called 500th Street) is part of the Hogsback Marsh Waterfowl Production Area. I wonder if anyone had first checked the records to see all the drainage tile we had Les Flo install around 1971 to help drain the peat slough. There was also a large diameter county drain tile installed around 1918 in that area, if I remember the plat map correctly. The gravel pit, which we used as a target range, is now leveled and gone as is the small grove of trees southeast of the farm’s driveway. Many of the rickety outbuildings are gone and the house is actually visible from the road.

My car has a HEPA cabin filter in it, which helps remove odors along with filter out particulates and the air conditioner made me forget that July is usually very warm. Opening the car door in the country was different from opening it in Lake Mills. The smells of humid peat, cow manure and pig manure wafted in along with a surprise of damp sauna-like air. The cornfields in the area contributed considerably more humidity to a muggy July afternoon through evapotranspiration. The smells were not oppressive, but they were a humorous reminder of life growing up in an agricultural region.

Ah, yes, my first crush. A few miles of driving on some shockingly minimal maintenance roads brought me to the farm on which she grew up. “Washboard road” is a term for a road with multiple ridges in it resembling an old-fashioned washboard. This road was rough enough I drove past a catalytic converter heat shield and later a glass pack muffler, but eventually there was an actual paved road. A deer walked out of the ditch, stared at my oncoming car as if to convey, “What are you doing on MY path?”, and then quickly cleared the ditch and fence with a single easy bound. The farm she grew up on is unrecognizable, but then again, I had not driven past that place since 1975. In case you were wondering, I never did ask her out on a date even though her dad suggested I should. Anyone living farther away than five miles before one has a driver’s license makes for a long distance relationship, and those rarely work. Several years later, we attended each other’s high school graduations and we each worked in IT, but we lost touch shortly after her dad died. The last time I heard from her, she was happily married with kids, and that is the important thing. To this day, she is probably unaware of how I felt about her as I am unaware if the feeling was mutual. Perhaps as a result of not asking her out, I eventually met and married Lucy and had my time of joy. Everything happens for a reason, even if we never discover purpose of the reason.

My final stop was a drive past the farm where I spent the majority of my formative years. I had been past there once before in 1990 when Lucy accompanied me to my fifteen year high school reunion. We were running late at the time because I had a late start courtesy of client problem at work. I slowed down and pointed out what features I could at 10 mph on a gravel road, and I recall there were some changes. The pump house and barn were gone and the house was repainted. This time, it appears the house was rebuilt and no original outbuildings remained. The small wooded area was about one-fourth the size. That is not an estimate from a childhood memory but a reasonably accurate guess based upon utility pole distances, which usually do not change. Buildings change but memories do not.

The extra hour spent cruising through much of Freeborn, Worth and Winnebago counties on a nostalgia trip started drawing to a close when my vehicle tires met the pavement on State Line Road west of Emmons. I remembered reading about Lime Creek church moving to the “Farming of Yesteryear” site near Kiester, Minnesota, but this was the first time I drove past and saw only the cemetery remaining. There is something disconcerting about a missing familiar landmark, but the church is in use and preserved for future generations.

There are striking changes in Emmons. Ovid’s observation in “Metamorphoses” written over 2,000 years ago is still timely:

Time itself also flows away in a continuous movement,
not differently from a river;
for neither a river nor a fleeting hour can stand still:
but water is pushed forward by water,
the preceding is both pressed by the coming one and presses the preceding one,
thus times flee and follow in the same movement again and again,
and they are always new;
for what was before is left behind,
and comes into being what hadn’t been,
and all moments are renewed.

Several buildings exemplifying 19th century architecture are now 21st century vacant lots. The school building sits empty. The “Eagle’s Nest” elevated press box (and a great place to hang out and drink a few brewskis) in State Line Park is long gone. No more barber shop, liquor store, and no grocery stores. The Ford garage is vacant. Even the water tower looks shorter, though I know it is the same water tower that has graced the cityscape since before I was born; maybe the growth spurt I had in college changed my perception. The population slowly declined since it peaked with the 1980 United States Census. Some of the decline resulted from the closing of the meat-packing plant in Albert Lea during the 1980’s and Cummins Filtration in Lake Mills starting outsourcing jobs to Mexico in 2009 and finally shutting down the plant at the end of 2014.

Not all the changes are for the worse. A row of houses occupies the old sale barn’s lot. The grain elevator replacement is some grain storage bins, which are easily 100 feet tall and 20 feet in diameter. There are new or remodeled houses scattered throughout the town. Considering the economic downturn severity in the heartland, Emmons is faring well compared to other localities. The liquor store became a library on the upper level with a well-organized, finely curated museum containing a surprising amount of wonderful memorabilia and exhibits occupying the lower level. Another major positive project is the State Line Lake restoration. I was pleasantly surprised to see a lake with clear water, no pond scum, and no algae smell. Many people put forth a lot of effort, the results are remarkable, and everyone involved deserve praise for a job well done. A recently added concrete boat launch in State Line Park and some landscaping work where the old trap club used to be in the 1950s and 1960s are wonderful enhancements. The vibe around town is not one of decline and despair, but a feeling of hope and progress. There is room and opportunity for growth and the vacant lots may once again have buildings on them. I am confident Emmons will be around to celebrate its quasquicentennial in 2024 and its sesquicentennial in 2049. A town is merely a geopolitical collection of building with some level of self-governance. A hometown is part of a person’s heart and soul. As long as people consider Emmons a hometown rather than just a town, it will survive.

One change seems to have the most impact on Emmons even though it is not the most visible. The public school district merged with the Glenville, Minnesota school district in 1991, with the Emmons K-12 school becoming a middle school, which was then shuttered in 2003 because of declining enrollment and increasing costs. Nearly a quarter century later, voices dripping in sarcasm and disgust mention the consolidation. Discussing the school closing raises blood pressure and vocal volume. The school mascot and fight song changed. A small town’s identity is usually tied closely to its school, and to a lesser degree, its post office. Closing a school triggers a deep sense of loss. The school is what draws a community together, from the time parents enroll their children, through the sporting events, dances, concerts, plays, and culminating with commencement. Some of the new graduates move away to college or a job elsewhere. Many others stay in the town, get married, start a family, and begin the cycle anew. All involved are part of a very select group, a special community: a graduating class of that town.

In my case, that community is the Emmons High School Class of 1975. My classmates and I have belonged, and will belong, to many communities during our lifetimes, but our high school graduating class is the most special because it is our first community, where we learned to cooperate and trust, where we grew up together, and where we became a part of something bigger than ourselves. We even managed to have some fun along the way at Mr. Salisbury’s expense…not that any of us know anything about that!

After forty years, our community is still intact. We are all still alive. We have suffered losses, celebrated triumphs, gained wrinkles and scars, and maybe lost some spring in our step or a few extra golf balls in the water hazard, but we have changed the world for the better. We changed the world by producing food, rescuing people in dangerous situations, improving our community through involvement and advocacy, being parents, mentoring future business leaders, helping those battling illnesses, providing comfort, leading a business by example, continuing education, or inspiring others by demonstrating grace, courage and a positive attitude when others would quit. No matter how significant or insignificant one thinks her or his contribution is, that contribution is part of our community. Those contributions when combined form the basis for meaningful change. Be proud of your part in the community and of your contributions. We may have miles and obligations separating us, but we are always together because of our unique bond. I know I’m very proud to be a lifetime member of this elite group.

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“I believe in you”

The three most powerful words in the English language are “I love you”. Whether that love is between a child and parent, siblings, best friends or spouses, those three words inspire, comfort, uplift, strengthen and soothe like no others. What makes this simple phrase so powerful is the intention of the person saying the words. It lets the listener know he or she is wanted rather than needed.

A different phrase with almost the same power is “I believe in you”. Believing in one’s self is how we cope with life’s challenges. Sometimes those challenges become overwhelming and one’s self-confidence and faith flags. Having someone who genuinely cares say “I believe in you” during a low time gives a badly needed boost to one’s spirits and can give that person the extra push to keep moving forward and conquer the seemingly insurmountable challenge.

Take the time to remember when someone believed in you when you no longer believed in yourself. Do not pass up the opportunity to lift someone’s spirits. You may find yourself needed that support sometime in the future.

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Mother’s day 2015

Mother’s Day is upon us again, at least here in the United States. I knew it was getting close because of the barrage of TV sales ads, email coupons, BOGOs, and Internet memes. All kidding aside, it is nice to have a day to recognize the moms in our life, whether a birth mother, adoptive mother, beloved mother-in-law (don’t laugh, I had one), or a friend’s mom who adopted you into her family. The recognition should extend for the other 364 or 365 days in the year, too.

Not everyone has happy memories of their mothers. Some people I know have told me tales that make Christina Crawford’s book “Mommie Dearest” seem like “Winnie the Pooh”. If that is your situation, my thoughts and prayers go towards your continued healing.

I’m damned lucky to still have my mother. My best friend’s mother died 22 years ago, and my buddy reminds me it is still a profound loss. Mother’s Day is a poignant day to those who lost a mother. My thoughts and prayers are with each of you, and I hope you can remember the good times and the love your mother gave to you.

Most of us will say that we think our mother is a saint, and we are right in our own way. My mother had to put up with a very stubborn and intelligent child who underwent years of reconstructive surgeries mostly in a hospital about a hundred miles away from home. She had to balance raising my (at the time) two younger brothers, being a housewife, and trying to be there for me whenever possible. It is tough waiting for a loved one to come out of surgery and get into the recovery room. I only had to do that four times with Lucy; my mother had to do it over three dozen times. I remember one time I was still very sick from the anesthesia and I ended up vomiting on my mom when she bent forward to kiss my forehead. Mothers endure the indignity of getting sprayed with bodily fluids from their children. They endure the tirades of a child who couldn’t do many of the things other children can do and didn’t understand why. They lie awake at night worrying when a curfew deadline slips. They fret during emergency room and urgent care visits. They urge their children to succeed in school and in life and not give in to “C’s get degrees” complacency. They want the best for their children, they want their children to be happy, and they love their children unconditionally.

Mom, saying I love you doesn’t seem adequate to express the gratitude I have for always being there for me. I give Lucy a lot of credit for making me into a decent person, but you and Dad played a huge role, too. I am so blessed and so lucky that you are still in my life. You carried me even when I was weighted down with plaster casts. You never gave up on me, and you believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You were there for me, through my rebellious years when I had all the answers but the universe cheated and changed all the questions on me, through the dating disasters and difficult times before I met Lucy, through my wild and crazy career, through the years of joy I had with Lucy, and now through the years of trying to rebuild my life without Lucy. You helped me take care of Lucy during Lucy’s final days in home hospice. You have earned every gray hair because I am responsible for nearly all of them. I didn’t realize the sacrifices you made for me until after I left home and stopped being an arrogant jerk. Please know I will always love you.

Betty, you were an incredible mother to Lucy, and you adopted me into your family without hesitation or reservation. You became my second mom. There is not a day that goes by where you are not missed. Thank you for everything you did for me. Thank you for supporting Lucy during her fierce battle. I hope you and Lucy are together in heaven, safe and surrounded by love, keeping an eye on your family and nudging us when we need it. I miss you and I love you.

To my buddy’s mom, I never got a chance to meet you because cancer stole your life many years too soon, but I know you are very proud of your youngest child. You raised someone who has achieved much success professionally, a person who is strong, independent, compassionate, generous, intelligent, funny, and fascinating, a person who has been a rock solid best friend to me. Those traits come from a mother’s love and guidance. Strong, intelligent, and independent kids are a challenge, believe me. It makes what you did all the more remarkable. You were the glue that held your family together. Thank you for everything you did.

Take the time to call or visit your mother and let her know what she means to you. Definitely give her a hug if you are lucky enough to visit her. If your mother has passed away, take a few minutes to remember her and everything she did for you. As long as you remember someone, you keep that person alive in your heart. A mother’s love is forever even if her life is not.

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Diamonds shatter, steel breaks

When we think of strength and resiliency, two substances usually come to mind: diamonds and steel. Diamond is the hardest naturally occurring mineral, transforming from carbon undergoing tremendous pressure and heat for millions of years. Steel is an affordable metal alloy that when properly forged can support heavy loads without torsioning into a pile of scrap metal. Like everything in this existence, even the strongest substances fail: diamonds shatter, steel breaks.

Nothing in nature is perfect. Naturally occurring diamonds have impurities which affect the crystal’s strength. Imperfect humans make steel. Steel strength varies by ingredients and forging temperature. A slight variation results in the steel being too brittle or too ductile.

Our closest interpersonal relationships are much like diamonds and steel. Spouses and best friends are the two closest relationships a person has. Each relationship exists because of absolute trust, absolute openness, and a willingness to sacrifice for the other person. Yet the most important thing, the thing that seems to be a deep secret in any successful relationship, is open, honest, and frequent communication. We all face adversities, we all have bad days, and sometimes, bad things happen to good people. People in close relationships may seem psychically connected to the point of finishing each other’s sentences and anticipating what the other person may say. It does not mean the other person may understand what is occurring. Shutting down, bottling up, or deflecting adds unnecessary pressure to the relationship. Remember what happens when pressure becomes too great: diamonds shatter, steel breaks.

There is an old saying that a marriage (or other close relationship) is a 50%/50% proposition. It is actually a 100%/100% proposition. Each party must fully commit to keep the relationship healthy. There will be times when one party is giving 105% and the other gives 95%. Relationships are fluid and evolving because the people entering into the relationship are fluid and evolving. The important thing is to keep striving for 100%, to trust the other party, to find a way to work together through adversity, to forgive imperfections, to not hold on to transgressions, to believe in the other person even when that person does not believe in herself or himself. It is not an easy job, but it is easily the most fulfilling job in the world.

Keep your lines of communication open. Be honest, be forthcoming, be compassionate, but most of all, be supportive.

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