Category Archives: family

by | June 4, 2013 · 6:06 pm

“Silver Threads Among the Gold” (25th wedding anniversary)

Today Lucy and I would have celebrated our silver (25th) wedding anniversary. The post title is a love song from 1873, where an ailing elderly man professes his love for his wife. In his eyes, she is as young and beautiful as when he first met her even though many years have passed.

We never had the chance to grow old together. Cancer stole that future from us just as cancer eventually stole her life. For all of the things cancer stole from Lucy during her battle, it never stole her love for me, her love for her family, her love for her friends, or her love for life. She fought hard to steal back precious time from the cancer and for that I will always love her and I will always miss her. She did not lose her battle.

I had thought today would be a very difficult day to get through, but I was wrong. Julie found time in her busy day to meet me for lunch. A half-hour spent with someone smiling brightens up a difficult day. After lunch, I went to the cemetery, gave Lucy a bouquet, and spent some time with her. I wish I could take her to dinner as we normally did for our anniversaries.

Please remember Lucy and give your loved ones a meaningful hug from her. Thank you for your love and support today.

25th anniversary bouquet

Happy 25th anniversary, Lucy! I love you and I miss you.

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Filed under family, music, rebuilding

by | May 26, 2013 · 9:51 pm

“Rhythm of the Rain”

I am confident our drought has broken. It does not take someone with a Ph.D. in Meteorology to decide that the equivalent of two months’ worth of rain falling within a week has ended fire dangers and pushed the moisture level in the soil down a foot. The 1962 hit by the Cascades referenced in the title deals with a guy whose lady left him. In a way, it reminds me of how we are feeling since it seems summer cruelly has run off and left us stranded. Again. At least the precipitation is not the frozen kind. The Twin Cities area will have many opportunities to get in rhythm because the forecast for the upcoming week leans towards another 2″ – 4″ of rain next week.

Obviously, our weather could be worse. We did not have a mile-wide tornado tear through our town like what happened in Moore, Oklahoma. Unfortunately, St. Paul endured the loss of two children in a mudslide caused by excessive rain and unstable stratigraphy. Rain is good, but too much of a good thing can cause problems. Some people dealt with ice-clogged lakes during the fishing opener. The sun has barely appeared in the past week and outdoor solar lights have limited run times. Some bemoan their waterlogged and muddy gardens. Overall, we are still fortunate because these are inconveniences, not life-altering events.

Everything is growing rapidly, as if the plants know their growing season is shorter. The blossoms are falling off the apple trees, partly because it has been very blustery this month. I did not see any bees, other than one particularly large bumblebee, so my guess is I won’t have apples to pick in September. Daffodils and tulips are mostly done for the season. Irises, lilacs, forget-me-nots, and columbines are in full bloom, the bleeding hearts and jack-in-the-pulpits are close behind, and bird nest building is booming. Bluebirds are occasional visitors, and Lucy would have enjoyed seeing the scarlet tanager in our neighbor’s yard; it was the first one I have ever seen. The May garden photo album has the latest updates for your viewing pleasure.

Today is Suzy’s birthday, so please wish her a happy birthday! Tomorrow (Monday) is Memorial Day in the United States. My cousin, Shari, placed flags at Sacramento Valley National Cemetery and many of my friends take part in Memorial Day remembrances. Thank you to all who take time to remember those who served.

Take some time to remember those who are no longer with us this weekend and how they had enriched your life. Give your loved ones a meaningful hug and be thankful they are still in your life, and that you are still in theirs.

Memorial Day 2013

Lucy’s Memorial Day bouquet

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Filed under family, rebuilding, weather

by | April 14, 2013 · 6:22 pm

Tempus fugit, sed amor reliquias (One Year)

Tempus fugit, sed amor reliquias (Time goes quickly, but love remains) is misleading. Vida fugit, sed amor reliquias (Life goes quickly, but love remains) seems more accurate.

Lucy’s time on earth ended a year ago yesterday. I still think of her every day and I still love her. I know the people who love her feel the same way. I made it through this first year with a huge amount of love and support from all of you. Getting through the days has not been impossibly difficult, but they have been empty. The first year is the worst; I believe I can make it through my remaining time because of you.

Lucy and I had a very successful life together. Life threw challenges our way, such as childlessness, job changes, and tragedies, but we found ways to overcome them. “The whole is more than the sum of its parts” held true for us. Our love gave us a synergy that got us through the unexpected and made our life together a fun adventure. We defended each other, we trusted each other’s judgment, we gave each other hope, we were loyal to each other, and we stayed devoted to each other. We not only lived, we thrived. Her smile was always a motivator for me. We stayed playful and we enjoyed our time together. That playfulness, happiness, and joy kept us younger than our chronological ages because we had found our happily ever after. Since her passing, I feel I experienced rapid aging and others have confided they share the same observation. Love truly does keep one young at heart.

She had a gentle nature, a wonderful sense of humor, surprising strength, and a special love that made me a much better person, and I will probably never experience that again. Her life is worth celebrating when we can and her memory will continue to give us comfort and strength. She taught us to cherish our loved ones every chance we get and she remains part of us. Lucy made us better people by her being part of our lives. Her life went quickly, but her love remains.

I see her when I close my eyes and if I concentrate really hard, I can still feel the softness of her touch. No doubt some may believe that because of the number of memories I have of Lucy, and the number of interactions we had during our time together, the experiences are a form of Pavlovian conditioning. Regardless of the explanation, the memories of happiness and joy provide much comfort. I hope you find comfort with your memories of Lucy.

Julie, Suzy, Diane, my parents, and I got together today to celebrate Lucy’s life. We had lunch and spent a couple hours talking. Afterwards, we went to the cemetery to visit Lucy. Our umbrellas all turned inside-out from the wind, and the rain was quite cold. I think even the weather misses Lucy’s warmth and goodness. The rain is cold enough that the snow we received late last week is hardly melting, and the forecasts show even more below normal temperatures for the next week, more like November than April.

The past three hundred years have seen stunning increases in human life expectancy. Millions of people are alive today who would have perished had they been born in the 1600’s rather than the 1900’s or 2000’s. Our lifetimes have expanded from roughly thirty-five years to over eighty years in that interval, accomplishing in a couple of centuries what evolution would require a couple of millennia. Even with our lifetime extensions, our life spans are miniscule compared to some animals and plants. What is eighty years when compared to centuries? Those eighty years are microscopic compared to the billions of years our planet has been alive, or the theoretical trillions or quadrillions of years our piece of the multiverse may live. Life goes quickly, indeed.

Definitely find time to enjoy your loved ones. Hugs are such a wonderful way to convey love and affection, so make your hugs meaningful and plentiful. Our lives go by too quickly to waste an opportunity to tell a loved one you care, so please do so. Thank you for remembering Lucy!

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Filed under family, friends, rebuilding

by | March 30, 2013 · 10:09 pm

Easter 2013

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday for most Christians. The weather is finally shaking off the winter blues with a spate of near normal temperatures. Today’s high of 55°F was actually above the normal high of 50°F for this date. The morning started out clammy and dreary, but the sun and gentle breeze pushed the fog and haze away. It was also the first day of enjoying the three season porch for more than a few moments. Several inches of snow cover vanished today and the furnace has made nary a sound since early this morning. The ice pack in the back yard has rivulets and chasms carved out by snow melt working its way to the drainage pond at the end of the cul-de-sac. People were outside tinkering with lawnmowers and weed trimmers anticipating lawns turning green. Spring is staking its claim.

Bird activity increased when the sun broke through. Three pair of cardinals plus a couple of males looking for mates spent most of today scouting nesting locations and drinking from the bird bath. An inquisitive black-capped chickadee spent several minutes clinging to one of the porch door screens peering in. I have heard robins for several weeks but have not seen one yet. No signs of the snow birds (juncos) that were common at the start of the month. One sure sign of spring is seeing a turkey vulture gliding on the thermals near the Minnesota River. Even the “bird brains” have figured out spring is near.

I think I have some squills poking though near the garage. That garden has western exposure and seems to thaw the fastest. The lilacs have fat leaf buds at the ready, waiting for another couple of days of sun and warmth. Flower buds are getting larger on the forsythia. It usually blooms by mid-April, so it is right on schedule. Easter is the time for plants to resurrect from the dead and for hibernating creatures to awaken. The sidewalks are somewhat treacherous. Snow melt runs down the sidewalks and will freeze in shady areas. Lubricating a low friction icy surface with water guarantees causing unexpected equilibrium shifts, which can result in a painful and wet fall.

I know a few of you will be traveling this weekend; I am going to John’s house tomorrow. Mom and Dad are scheduled to be there. The weather in southwestern Minnesota might be a bit tricky tonight with a threat of freezing rain and snow. I wish a happy birthday to Diane tomorrow.

Take a few minutes to give your loved ones a meaningful hug and let them know you love them. Enjoy your day tomorrow!

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Filed under family, gardening, rebuilding, weather

by | March 12, 2013 · 8:03 pm

The comforts of home

What do you consider “home”? Is it the house you grew up in? Is it the first place you lived in after moving out on your own? Is it the house you bought with your spouse? I know some of you moved often during your childhood. Others of you spent time in one or more foster homes before adulthood. Still others are renters and quite satisfied with not worrying about maintenance.

When we were younger, we could not wait until we could start our new adventure. What we didn’t know then is that adventure culminates in finding our new “home” and building new memories. I think we go through a restless period akin to Goldilocks sampling the porridge, chairs, and beds in the Three Bears’ home. We may not know what we are looking for, but we know when we find it.

Home is the place where you made the most memories, where you felt safe, grounded, and surrounded by love. Even as adults, many of us consider “home” as the place we grew up, not the place in which we currently reside. Home is where the heart is. I consider two places as “home”: my primary home is the house Lucy and I bought and my other home is the house my parents now live.

One difficult transition we can face as adults is the sale of our childhood home. Lucy’s siblings found a buyer for their parent’s home and it has been bittersweet for them. The transition is a loss and reminds us that time marches forward even if we may not like the tempo. What was once familiar and comforting has changed. Someday I will be unable to maintain my home, which will probably require me to move into a senior’s center. I will have my memories of home to help me make that transition just as memories of my time with Lucy help me transition to a life without her. In both cases, one can hope the new owners will start building memories of “home” there and have love and joy fill the rooms.

Thomas Wolfe wrote a novel called “You Can’t Go Home Again” with the main point being:

You can’t go back home to your family, back home to your childhood … back home to a young man’s dreams of glory and of fame … back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time – back home to the escapes of Time and Memory.”

I submit that Mr. Wolfe was wrong. “Home” may have a number of physical changes besides a new owner; in fact, the structure could no longer exist. The memories remain even if the abode does not. Our memories are powerful and can change our perceptions. In “Paradise Lost”, John Milton wrote:

The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.

The mind’s power is what helps us cope with the myriad of changes modern life sends our way. We cherish those memories of home, each one a thread woven into our life’s fabric. We use that fabric to shelter us from the unpleasantness that sometimes arises in life. As such, we never lose “home” unless we want it to go away. It will always be with us because it is part of us, providing us with peace, comfort, and smiles. You can go home again. Please keep Steve, Suzy, and Julie in your thoughts as they make this transition.

Yesterday was “National Napping Day” in areas that switched to Daylight Saving Time on Sunday. I hope that those of you who actively participated did not do so while driving. Other whimsical days this week include “National Pi Day” on Thursday and “National Quilting Day” on Saturday. Holiday Insights lists more if these interest or amuse you.

Tomorrow marks eleven months since Lucy passed away. Please think of her tomorrow. Thank you for keeping Lucy in your heart.

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Filed under family, literature, philosophy, rebuilding