Category Archives: friends

by | July 1, 2013 · 8:18 pm

Another angel gets her wings

We have come to expect people living into their 80s with the advances made in medicine, hygiene, and nutrition during the past two centuries. TV shows like “CSI” and “NCIS” lead us to believe that we will know every cause of every untimely passing. Losing a healthy 27-year-old daughter to “natural causes” is inconceivable.

Unfortunately, Mike and Sue are living this very harsh reality. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as they adjust their lives without Kimberly. I never met Kimberly, but from what I can tell, she was a remarkable, vibrant, and well-loved young woman. She received her angel wings far too soon.

I have known Mike for around 30 years. He worked with me at DCA, Inc. when the company moved to Minnetonka from downtown Minneapolis. Mike got to know Lucy when she started working there and was one of four people in the company who figured out when Lucy and I started dating. We have kept in occasional contact through the years. The IT field is very demanding, and there were a lot of job changes and promotions through the years. Mike was very supportive after Lucy’s passing, and I will be there for him.

For those of you with children at home, please give them a big hug tonight. Your children are a precious gift.

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by | June 16, 2013 · 10:13 pm

Father’s Day 2013

Dad could not take part in the deck rebuild project, but Mom, John, and I (OK, mostly John) got it done. Dad is having an easier time reading now, so he enjoyed a book I recently finished. He also got a change to kick back and enjoy the day.

I inherited my love for reading and my boundless curiosity from my dad. I also tried being as outstanding a husband to Lucy as he is for my mother. I did not inherit his mechanical talent and have the blisters to prove it today.

This is my first Father’s Day without my father-in-law, and I miss him very much. He was a second father to me. Bob was gentle and kind, and he accepted me into the family without hesitation. Lucy inherited his quiet strength, his love for family, and quite a bit of his mechanical ability. When we would get ready-to-assemble furniture, Lucy needed to help me with figuring out the diagrams. I have some spatial orientation issues and Lucy could easily see what I could not. Bob also inspired me being the best possible husband to Lucy I could.

My father and father-in-law are still blessings in my life. I learned so much from them both and I am grateful to them.

Steve, Suzy, and Julie, you are in my thoughts and prayers today. I hope you find solace in the love your father gave you and the love you gave him in return. Stay strong, remember your father’s goodness, and give your children a hug from me.

If you are lucky enough to spend time with your father or father-in-law today, give him a meaningful hug and tell him how much you love him. If you are separated from your father or father-in-law either by distance or by his passing, take a few moments to remember him.

Happy Father’s Day to all of you men blessed with children!

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by | June 12, 2013 · 9:12 pm

“Blame It On The Rain”

As of late, we have plenty of rain to blame. Our summer seems fake, with spring doing the real moving and shaking while summer provides a front. The Milli Vanilli song referenced in the title is similar to our summer; an uncredited singer laid down the vocal tracks while the two credited members lip-synched on video and during performances.

I could not escape the rain when I visited my parents this weekend. It rained hard enough Saturday night and Sunday morning I had to move my car because of street flooding. Monday started cool and gray but ended sunny and warm. Light jackets and long pants gave way to short sleeves and short pants. On Tuesday, I attended a Twins game at Target Field. Lucy had wanted to go see a game there, but cancer stole that opportunity. We averaged about three Twins games per year, but our last game was August 2010. Target Field is beautiful, the weather was perfect, and the Twins picked up a badly needed win. Lucy would have enjoyed the evening.

Our “too much of a good thing” rain is causing problems. Southern Minnesota has large plots of farmland that is unplowed. The crops, if they could be planted today, would be almost two months behind. Resorts are experiencing cancellations. Mosquito, fly, and tick populations are booming, and the silver maple trees have a bountiful crop of “helicopters” dropping on driveways and gutters. Cottonwood seed cotton is thick enough to look like snow. My lovely sinus problem is high gear and people I know with allergies are in a heightened state of misery.

People generally like sunny weather. Constant dreary weather and unseasonable coolness cause crankiness, sluggishness, and a marked decrease in intelligence and patience (at least from what I can tell on the highways). When the sun makes a cameo appearance and the temperature becomes more summer-like, it is like a rebirth: colors are brighter, sounds are cheerful, and all seems right with the world. Then the weather changes and we are jarred back to a dreary reality with only hope for a better day keeping us going.

There are some advantages to the rain. The cloud cover and gentle pattering of the rain is soothing. Sleeping late is easy, especially if one is on vacation and has earned a break from job stress, and that can lead to inspiration to a blog post, courtesy of a Facebook status update I saw. I would have indulged, were it not for several close lightning strikes at 6:30 am. That was another disadvantage of the unsettled weather.

Lucy and I experienced an unexpected rain shower on the Gateway Trail north of Oakdale, MN almost ten years ago. It remains one of my fondest memories. We were nearing the end of a twenty mile bicycle ride on a slightly humid August day. Lucy noticed some clouds forming and asked me if we would make it back to the car before it would rain. I did not think the clouds were of any consequence, and assured her it would not even rain. About fifteen minutes later, we were riding in a gentle warm rain shower. We were sweaty and a bit tired, but the rain helped cool and refresh us. Lucy had a huge smile on her face after the rain quit after ten minutes, and she smiled all the way back to the car.

It would have been easy for Lucy and I to “blame it on the rain” when she received her cancer diagnosis. We chose to face forward no matter what the cancer battle threw at us. Like the unexpected rain shower years ago, we tried to make the best of it and it helped us cope. It is admittedly much harder to do so without her supporting me, but I do my best. The sun will shine once again.

Give your loved ones a meaningful hug and feel the joy they add to your life. For those of you who are starting a new chapter in your life, remember a journey of ten thousand miles begins with single step and I wish you good luck and Godspeed. Thank you for your support.

Twins game, June 11, 2013

The view from my seat at Target Field, June 11, 2013.

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by | May 8, 2013 · 8:47 pm

That is why they are called hoot owls

Lucy and I would occasionally hear owls in our neighborhood. Every time we were lucky enough to hear one or more owls, it was in the middle of the night. Last night’s owl solo began at 3:45 am and ended just after 4:00 am. Each species of owl has distinct vocalizations and I am no expert on owls. It took a little digging around at The Owl Pages to figure out my soloist was a Barred Owl, also known as a Hoot Owl. Lucy has a picture of a barred owl taken at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum on her desk.

Owl calls in the middle of the night have spawned legends and old wive’s tales in ancient and modern cultures. The recurring theme is that hearing an owl calling at night means an imminent death. Around 46 years ago, a famous novel and subsequent movie titled “I Heard The Owl Call My Name” used a late night owl call to foretell the death of the book’s hero. We never felt an owl call was ominous, just fascinating. If I were to have believed every superstition I have ever heard, I would not have survived past my third birthday.

I am happy for an accurate weather forecast. I put down triazicide this morning to kill Japanese beetle grubs and I needed rain. It has been lightly raining and drizzling for almost two hours. I am done with my remaining gardening tasks. Perhaps I will mow the lawn on Sunday; it looks like it may need it then.

Yesterday I helped Julie and Dave spread 15 cubic yards of dirt. I know I am feeling it today. What is normally a tedious and hard task was fun (but still hard) because we could joke around and talk.

I spent the weekend with them and really enjoyed myself. They have a beautiful cabin and even though the weather was unseasonably cold and the lakes still had ice, there was still time for a lot of activities. Friday night we went to a bar and entered some raffles. When we left, we were money ahead, with steaks for the grill, and won a couple of free drinks. Dave and his brother, Roger, are quite close and their cabins are about a quarter-mile apart. Roger graciously tolerated my quirks while teaching me how to play Pegs and Jokers. There are many ATV trails in the area and we found time to go for a couple short rides. Even going 20 mph in temperatures stuck in the mid 30s was cold. Sunday morning the weather warmed up and the loons were calling. An eagle made several low passes over the cabin while making a chatter call. There is apparently and active nest in the area.

It was a fun weekend and the natural wonders were spectacular. The highlight of the weekend was watching Julie and Dave interact. They love each other and it shows. Their love radiates a special warmth and was quite soothing. It reminded me of how wonderful my time was with Lucy. Maybe the owl from last night was telling me something.

Give your loved ones meaningful hug and enjoy your time with them. Thanks for sticking with me!

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Filed under friends, nature, philosophy, rebuilding, weather

by | April 14, 2013 · 6:22 pm

Tempus fugit, sed amor reliquias (One Year)

Tempus fugit, sed amor reliquias (Time goes quickly, but love remains) is misleading. Vida fugit, sed amor reliquias (Life goes quickly, but love remains) seems more accurate.

Lucy’s time on earth ended a year ago yesterday. I still think of her every day and I still love her. I know the people who love her feel the same way. I made it through this first year with a huge amount of love and support from all of you. Getting through the days has not been impossibly difficult, but they have been empty. The first year is the worst; I believe I can make it through my remaining time because of you.

Lucy and I had a very successful life together. Life threw challenges our way, such as childlessness, job changes, and tragedies, but we found ways to overcome them. “The whole is more than the sum of its parts” held true for us. Our love gave us a synergy that got us through the unexpected and made our life together a fun adventure. We defended each other, we trusted each other’s judgment, we gave each other hope, we were loyal to each other, and we stayed devoted to each other. We not only lived, we thrived. Her smile was always a motivator for me. We stayed playful and we enjoyed our time together. That playfulness, happiness, and joy kept us younger than our chronological ages because we had found our happily ever after. Since her passing, I feel I experienced rapid aging and others have confided they share the same observation. Love truly does keep one young at heart.

She had a gentle nature, a wonderful sense of humor, surprising strength, and a special love that made me a much better person, and I will probably never experience that again. Her life is worth celebrating when we can and her memory will continue to give us comfort and strength. She taught us to cherish our loved ones every chance we get and she remains part of us. Lucy made us better people by her being part of our lives. Her life went quickly, but her love remains.

I see her when I close my eyes and if I concentrate really hard, I can still feel the softness of her touch. No doubt some may believe that because of the number of memories I have of Lucy, and the number of interactions we had during our time together, the experiences are a form of Pavlovian conditioning. Regardless of the explanation, the memories of happiness and joy provide much comfort. I hope you find comfort with your memories of Lucy.

Julie, Suzy, Diane, my parents, and I got together today to celebrate Lucy’s life. We had lunch and spent a couple hours talking. Afterwards, we went to the cemetery to visit Lucy. Our umbrellas all turned inside-out from the wind, and the rain was quite cold. I think even the weather misses Lucy’s warmth and goodness. The rain is cold enough that the snow we received late last week is hardly melting, and the forecasts show even more below normal temperatures for the next week, more like November than April.

The past three hundred years have seen stunning increases in human life expectancy. Millions of people are alive today who would have perished had they been born in the 1600’s rather than the 1900’s or 2000’s. Our lifetimes have expanded from roughly thirty-five years to over eighty years in that interval, accomplishing in a couple of centuries what evolution would require a couple of millennia. Even with our lifetime extensions, our life spans are miniscule compared to some animals and plants. What is eighty years when compared to centuries? Those eighty years are microscopic compared to the billions of years our planet has been alive, or the theoretical trillions or quadrillions of years our piece of the multiverse may live. Life goes quickly, indeed.

Definitely find time to enjoy your loved ones. Hugs are such a wonderful way to convey love and affection, so make your hugs meaningful and plentiful. Our lives go by too quickly to waste an opportunity to tell a loved one you care, so please do so. Thank you for remembering Lucy!

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