Category Archives: friends

“Thar she blows!”

In “Moby Dick”, the lookout shouted “Thar she blows!” to signal a whale had surfaced. That lookout could easily have been forecasting our weather as of late.

November is a month of extreme weather in the Midwest. This year is no different. Three days of high winds have sent what was left of our fall colors nearly to the North Pole. Not many birds have braved the wind. During a brief interval when the wind speed dropped to a gentle breeze, two bald eagles were soaring with a group of over a hundred terns. There were also nearly a dozen hawks I could not identify gliding the updrafts and downdrafts in a looping figure “8”.

Change is definitely in the air. Most of the songbirds have molted their brilliant summer plumage and are in their duller winter feathers. Goldfinches are hanging on to the coneflower seed heads for dear life while showing off messy table manners. Peregrine falcons and kestrels are making more frequent low altitude flights looking for a quick snack, at least when they can maneuver. Squirrels and raccoons have been gorging themselves to help get through the winter. This means quite a few of them are too heavy to get out of the street quickly enough, which delights the crows to no end as they line up at their version of an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Not much is blooming at this point. Several hard frosts took care of most of the flowers. The blanket flowers around the mailbox are still trying to bloom, and their puffy seed heads are blowing around. I’m sure the front lawn will have dozens of new blanket flowers germinating next spring. Otherwise, most the greenery has turned to a muddy brown or into desiccated brown stalks. This summer arrived late which meant the fall colors were not as spectacular as in past years. My burning bush never got the chance to turn red before the leaves went flying away and the Autumn Blaze maple leaves turned a dull burgundy rather than a bright red. My neighbor’s sugar maple turned yellow instead of the usual orange-red. Maybe this year’s fall fashion colors were earth tones and dull yellows.

The dried plants are also causing increased dust in the air. Upper respiratory illnesses and allergies increased, too. Sharp changes in the weather seem to increase the likelihood of illness and discomfort. Lucy suffered from nasal allergies and sinus problems. I have a close friend who is suffering mightily from blocked sinuses, and another friend battling what seems to be the flu. My nasal allergies and sinus problems are in high gear with little hope of near-term abatement.

Adding insult to injury is the Winter Weather Advisory (recently downgraded from a Winter Storm Watch) for the Twin Cities effective Tuesday night into Wednesday afternoon. While we have already had a couple of days of light flurries before a several day stretch of summer-like weather, we are possibly skipping the light snow and might get an entire month’s worth in a twelve-hour period. The storm track and intensity are still in question, so the forecast amounts are ranging from 2″ – 7″; our average November monthly snow total is 9.3″ according to the Minnesota Climatology Working Group. Today has seen rain so far. Perhaps the rain will lower the amount of snow we can expect from the storm? One can always hope. I have jumper cables and a shovel in the car just in case and the snow thrower is ready for service.

The forecast for the next ten days is for high temperatures in the low 40’s, which is about normal. I know someone who will spend several days in a warmer area later this week. Unfortunately, I am too heavy to be considered checked baggage, but I will happily be the taxi driver to see the smiles. The ground will be wet enough to enjoy a bonfire, some hot chocolate, and many laughs with friends once the streets clear. One has to make the best of whatever weather comes along.

If snow affects you over the next few days, take it easy when shoveling or using a snow thrower, be careful on the roads, and stay warm. As always, for those of you lucky enough to have a special someone close by, make sure you give an extra hug just because you can. It will brighten your day, too.

 

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Filed under friends, gardening, literature, nature, rebuilding, weather

Changing Seasons

September is the start of a change from summer to autumn in the Northern Hemisphere or from winter to spring in the Southern Hemisphere. In the Twin Cities metro area, September has already shown a wide variety of weather: we started with a medium drought with stagnant air, hot and humid weather, followed by cool nights, crisp days, wind, and finally rain. Lucy enjoyed the summer into fall transition. She never liked high humidity, so she enjoyed less humid days. We can still get very warm days at times, but the lower humidity means the temperature is not oppressive. After approaching 100°F twice at the start of the month, areas of northern Minnesota and Wisconsin awoke to frost this morning, and snow flurries showed up on radar near Lake Superior.

The Minnesota Farm Woman has a blog post discussing this year’s seasonal changes in her garden. The birds and animals are showing signs of preparing for shorter days and cooler weather. Hummingbirds are feeding more frequently on the black and blue salvia while anticipating joining the other snowbirds flying a half-continent south. Chipmunks and squirrels are destroying the apples on the large apple tree, herbivores are munching on the normally untouched colored daisies I leave at Lucy’s grave, Lucy’s honeycrisp apples are very close to harvest,  the ash tree is dropping leaves, the chrysanthemums are in full bloom, and some of the heat-stressed maples are showing red and yellow hues. As for the shorter days, full darkness at 9:45 pm is now full darkness at 7:45 pm. The roller coaster temperatures are trending towards shorter warm spells along with some unsettling short cold spells; autumn is close at hand.

Life is full of changes. Some are predictable, others are random, some are welcomed, others not so much. Change means sometimes building, sometimes rebuilding, and at all times is inevitable. How well we manage changes determines our happiness. I have been lucky to have some very special people helping me with my rebuilding process these past seventeen months. It is nice to be needed, but it is nicer to be wanted. Knowing people are willing to take time from their busy lives to spend time with me is humbling and gratifying. Lucy wanted me to be happy after her passing, so I think she would be pleased at me occasionally getting out of the house and being somewhat social. She would have enjoyed the outings to the Twins games this year along with making a new friend. Going on a boat ride, watching the hummingbirds and baby snapping turtles, listening to the owls, and seeing the eagles soar overhead in Danbury would have left her awestruck, though I think the ATV rides would have been somewhat unsettling to her at first. I know she would be relieved that the Gateway Trail has some new overpasses that make the trail safer. She would be elated having a dozen edible apples on her honeycrisp apple tree this year after having none the previous year. Finally, she would be thrilled with how nice the deck looks after resurfacing. It was a busy and enjoyable summer, and the upcoming autumn appears to be equally busy and enjoyable. Thank you to the people who helped make this wonderful summer possible!

Cuddling season is approaching again for those of you lucky to have someone. Give your special someone an extra-long hug today to compensate for the chill in the air.

tree frog

Tree frog hanging on the french doors during a rain shower.

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Baby snapping turtles

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Baby snapping turtles near the hen-and-chicks

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by | September 16, 2013 · 9:58 am

“Silent No More” 2013 recap

Mere words cannot begin to express how appreciative I am to everyone who participated in this year’s “Silent No More” walk/run benefiting the Minnesota Ovarian Cancer Alliance (MOCA). Next Friday will mark seventeen months since Lucy’s passing and yet participating in the event is still very emotional. Last year I was a team of one and I needed several weeks to recover from the emotional drain. This year I had nine people joining me, all of whom were there to honor Lucy’s memory. I know she would have been pleased despite being the center of attention.

Ovarian cancer does not only strike middle-aged women. Before the start of the 5K run, a 25-year-old ovarian cancer survivor sang the national anthem. Part of the reason there seems to be an increase in younger women becoming survivors is because of heightened awareness of the symptoms. Unfortunately, part of the reason may also be environmental factors.

As in years past, survivors wear teal colored shirts and the rest of us wear white shirts. I hope this year’s survivors are able to participate next year, and that eventually all of them receive a No Evidence of Disease (NED) call from their doctors.

The courses for the 5K run and 2K walk reversed from years past. This year’s weather was unusually warm and humid. The two runners on my team made it through with no ill effects and respectable times. The walk route changed because of unfinished road construction. This necessitated routing about 3,000 walkers on to a narrow path on Lake Cornelia and it slowed the pace considerably. I believe there were around 250 runners in the 5K.

It was also nice to see the three couples in my group. One couple has been married for eleven years, and the other two couples began dating in the past six months. I remember how Lucy and I started out and how we evolved during our time together, and I can see that evolution unfolding again for these couples. My hope is for all these couple to enjoy many wonderful years together.

Thank you again for keeping Lucy’s memory alive, and for your love and support during this time of rebuilding. Give your special someone an extra hug and be thankful for the time you have with that person.

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Filed under family, friends, rebuilding

Remembering Bob at one year

My father-in-law, Bob, passed away one year ago today. Please keep Steve, Suzy, and Julie in your thoughts and prayers today.

Bob was quick to help out and Lucy and I always seemed to have projects underway. He was eager to help and I always enjoyed the help. Lucy trusted my judgment but she still relied on Bob’s opinions, knowledge, and experiences. I never minded the second opinion and I would not hesitate to ask for his counsel.

I enjoyed his company when Bob and Betty would stay with Lucy and me. It also meant we would see the rest of Lucy’s family at some point during the weekend. The love he and Betty gave to their children carried through to their adult lives. Our house was filled with laughter and love during those times. It may only be a year, but it seems to be a lifetime ago.

Bob had an incredible memory. He would tell such detailed stories about events from over seventy years as if he were recounting something from earlier in the morning. I had studied 20th century American history in college and read many articles about the Great Depression. Slogging through dusty tomes in a library or listening to a too-young associate professor droning on is not the same as hearing first hand accounts from someone who lived through it. Lucy’s family history came to life during those stories. I know we learned so much about her family and we enjoyed learning those lessons.

Even though it’s been a year, I miss Bob’s laugh, his sense of humor, his stories, and his advice. Most of all, I miss him. I am fortunate that he is still part of me and will be for the rest of my life. He lives on in Suzy and Julie, and I am grateful they chose to have me still be part of their lives.

Whether or not one believes in an afterlife, everyone achieves a degree of immortality by being part of someone else’s life and building memories. It is up to us to help determine whether we are remembered fondly or disparagingly. The life experiences of those we remember help shape the type of person we become. Bob is fondly remembered and deeply missed.

Thank you for the birthday wishes yesterday. I am touched by you remembering me and grateful for your caring. It has helped me through this tough part of my new life.

Give your special someone an extra hug tonight. Enjoy that embrace and never miss an opportunity to let that person know how much you care for her or him. Take a moment to remember a loved one who is no longer among us and give thanks for how that person improved your life. Try to make some wonderful memories of your own.

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Filed under family, friends, philosophy, rebuilding

Measure twice, cut once, swear often

I know the adage is “Measure twice and cut once”, but I think my version is more accurate. I have been helping my cousin and her husband replace the siding on their house. They have been so supportive of me through the years and I really enjoy their company. They are very much in love and it is so fun watching them interact.

Between the three of us, we have over 80 years of professional problem solving experience. There are dozens of videos on YouTube and home improvement sites that show that various steps involved. Some videos even have tips on how to deal with some of the challenges that arise during project implementation. Despite preparations, careful measurements, and double-checking measurements, something unexpected occurs. Home improvement projects have caused a significant number of disagreements among spouses. The successful ones who get through the project without barking at each other have learned to work around the unexpected issues. I’m happy to report the three of us are still talking to each other, the most difficult side of the house is complete, and if I say so myself, the work is very impressive! However, installing siding is not on my possible career change list. I spent 32 years in IT, so I already know how to swear in several human languages and in close to three dozen computer languages.

What are the challenges? Houses settle through the years, so what appears to be a straight line is not. Garages and other add-ons made after construction of the house add layers of complexity the videos do not consider. Outdoor work is dependent on the weather and is very unpleasant if the mosquitoes and gnats are hungry and invite hordes of their relatives to the all-you-can-eat buffet also known as your exposed skin. Ladders and scaffolding need constant moving. There is a lot of arithmetic with fractions (my metric using friends do not worry about this) because a 1/16″ misalignment on each row becomes very noticeable after installing the fourth row. Nails bend or their heads peen. Studs are not where the stud sensor indicates. A needed tool drops a dozen feet to the ground while reaching for it. Some of the cuts are exotic and vinyl is somewhat difficult to cut; it also gets softer in warm weather and more difficult to score with a knife. Vinyl has sharp edges after cutting. Thumbs are prone to hammer strikes. None of these challenges are insurmountable.

Part of problem solving is quickly formulating an alternate plan if Plans A, B, and C fail. Bouncing ideas around works, especially if everyone is willing to listen and participate. Each encountered challenge provides a lessons learned moment, which prevents a future occurrence of the problem. Everyone has unique skills and strengths and oftentimes an idea or a hybrid of two or more suggestions resolves the issue. In some cases, some of the work gets redone because there is no alternate solution available. Staying focused on getting the job done is the key.

Lucy and I took on quite a number of home improvement projects. Neither of us had carpentry nor plumbing skills. I do OK with electrical work, and we each had done some painting. We installed five laminate floors, painted every room in the house, installed borders and wallpaper, reworked some of the plumbing, installed wainscot and wood trim in the rec room, installed a patio and brick walkway, installed drywall in the basement, and became reasonably adept at gardening. Not bad for two people who rarely used power tools before buying a house. We did have a lot of help from family and friends, and we were willing to help out others when we could. Lucy and I were willing to try things outside our comfort zones and we supported each other fully. There was no blame game or finger-pointing. I think that is why we were so successful with our home improvement projects and with our marriage.

Life is very much like a home improvement project. There is a lot of work, some unexpected events, problem solving, “winging it”, and moving forward. All of this is easier with a partner who sees you as an equal, who trusts you, and who is willing to work with you even in adversity. It makes getting through the tough times easier and makes the good times even better.

Be willing to think outside the box and be supportive. Stray outside the comfort zone occasionally; you may discover a new hobby, a fun activity, or meet someone wonderful. Do not miss an opportunity to give or receive a hug, and be generous with giving them. Be willing to provide comfort for a blackened thumbnail, cut, scrape, sore back, or other sign of working hard. As always, give your special someone a meaningful hug and let that person know how much you care. Thank you for sticking with me!

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Filed under friends, philosophy, rebuilding