by | July 15, 2014 · 11:36 pm

It was thirty years ago today…

Today was the 30th anniversary of my first date with Lucy, not the 10th anniversary of Sgt. Pepper teaching the band to play.

July 15, 1984 was a very hot day with a light breeze and little humidity. Today was almost fall-like with the high over 10°F cooler than normal, moderately breezy, and low humidity making the air feel crisp. Despite the heat and sun, we managed almost three hours at the Minnesota Zoo. I know she had a good time because she wanted to go out with me again.

Lucy made such a positive impact on me that I can remember that first date in extraordinary detail. I see Facebook updates and blog posts from others celebrating first date anniversaries. It is nice to see I am not the only romantic remaining. Lucy and I had such a successful marriage because we kept the romance alive, laughed often and treasured our time together.

For those of you still lucky enough to be with your special someone, take a moment to give that person a meaningful hug and think back to your first date. Whether it was romantic or a disaster, that date set into motion the events that drew you together as a couple. Cherish those memories and may you have many more moments together.

First date 30th anniversary bouquet

First date 30th anniversary bouquet

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by | July 6, 2014 · 9:50 pm

Skeeters and face flies and gnats, oh my!

The relentless deluges abated this past week. It did cause the Twin Cities metro area to miss the wettest June record by a mere 0.31″ with a total of 11.36″ falling, most of it in a two-week period. Bear in mind our official climate records only date back to 1871. Some of the flooded roads in the area opened again, sandbag walls began coming down and people could focus on enjoying what is now a shortened summer.

One vexing and lingering problem with the excessive precipitation is an abundance of flying blood-sucking insects. A hike in the hot and humid weather means losing a couple of pounds due to sweating and blood draining. There has been a noticeable drop in the mosquito (skeeter), face fly and gnat populations with the current lull the monsoon season. The warmer weather did finally end the wood tick season, and none too soon. I was wondering if this region would experience a doxycycline shortage. Choking on gnats while giving a garden tour is not one of my favorite activities.

Bloomington has its annual fireworks display as part of Summer Fest on July 3. The weather could not have been any more perfect: light breeze, low humidity, temperature near 80°F and no rain. I met a friend for dinner at Romano’s Macaroni Grill and afterwards we went to the Summer Fest. Various cover bands and the Bloomington Symphony played until the fireworks display. For the families that brought their young ones, the northeast corner of Normandale Lake Park had activities and food booths. Unlike last year, we did not have a huge Great Dane puppy keeping us company, but it was still fun to kick back, converse, and unwind. The fireworks display was fabulous, of course. With the thousands of people attending Summer Fest, there were no problems that required police intervention.

There is some concern with Monday’s forecast and the potential for very heavy rainfall tomorrow night. Even though the amount expected is between 0.75″ – 1.5″, the ground is still soaked just a couple of inches down. I am hoping the forecast is wrong. It is nice being outside without needing a transfusion after merely running to the mailbox and back.

The copious rains are contributing to a potentially bumper crop of raspberries and a very disappointing apple crop. Monarch butterflies have appeared in greater numbers than in years past, which is exciting. Peonies must not like wet weather, because this is the second summer in a row mine never bloomed. There are no Japanese beetles yet (and I hope it stays that way), and the aggravating June bugs were hardly an issue. Last year, the June bugs kept flying into the aluminum siding so it sounded like a mild hailstorm. The wet weather did kill off all the blanket flowers and one small clematis, though. I will be doing some replanting before fall. Soon the toads, tree frogs and cicadas start sounding and the fireflies start blinking. Lucy and I really enjoyed that part of the summer.

I hope my American readers had a wonderful and safe holiday weekend. It is a badly needed summer break that lets us recharge, even with skeeters and face flies and gnats, oh my!

 

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by | July 2, 2014 · 9:47 pm

“Mistaken for granite”

Our hearing can play tricks on us. There are web sites and books devoted to misheard song lyrics, and Norm Crosby has a long and successful comedy career as the “Master of the Malaprop”. Sometimes a foreign-born person’s accent causes an unintentional new phrase. I was waiting in an auto repair place and thought I heard an upset gentleman with a thick Eastern European accent say he was “tired of mistaken for granite”.

While “mistaken for granite” was an amusing take on “taken for granted”, it also had a deeper meaning. I have five very close friends who have been there for me since Lucy passed away. Like Lucy, these five people are loyal, supportive, generous, and hard-working. Those qualities also subject them to added stress at work because of toxic co-workers who are selfish and uncooperative, who have figured out that while there is no “I” in “TEAM”, there is a “ME”, and therefore everyone else is “MEAT”. That toxicity seems prevalent in workplaces, from small companies with a double-digit headcount to Fortune 500 companies with five- and six-figure head counts.

It is quite easy for someone taken for granted to be mistaken for granite. Granite is strong and can withstand tremendous pressure. It is durable and withstands weather extremes for centuries. But even as strong and durable as granite is, it can fracture under intense and prolonged pressure. Fissures allow water seepage that weakens the granite from the inside out. Repairing a granite monument or facade is very difficult and expensive.

The people who are routinely taken for granted are the ones who are the first to offer help, to listen, to support, and to comfort. They rarely ask for any recognition in return and put others first. That level of generosity comes at a price. It takes a lot of strength and sacrifice being there for people in need. Like a hewn block of granite, these people have incredible inner strength but that strength can erode or crack under pressure.

Many people are lucky enough to have one person like that in her or his life; I am blessed to have five. All five know I am ready to help no matter the size of the task, to listen, to support, and to comfort when required. Lucy taught me much about compassion and it reflects by the quality of my close friends. She knew four of my close friends and they loved her. I know my fifth friend would have loved her, too.

Please take a minute to thank the “mistaken for granite” person or persons in your life. More than likely, the response is something humble, but you will brighten that person’s day. The rock solid stability provided is priceless. Be extra nice to the “taken for granted” people. Those people have feelings and problems like any other person but are not apt to freely disclose what pressure he or she experiences on a daily basis. Altruistic people are a rarity and our society can ill afford to lose any more of them. As always, give your special someone a meaningful hug because you are blessed to have that person in your life.

 

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by | June 22, 2014 · 9:46 pm

“Into each life some rain must fall…”

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s 1842 poem, “The Rainy Day“, is appropriate for the weather the Twin Cities is experiencing in June. We received an entire season’s rainfall in under a week and are well over a foot above normal for precipitation this year. While it definitely is not cold, the wind has been surprisingly strong and relentless this month. Drought concerns were quickly replaced with flash flood warnings and river crest information. Mudslides, sand bagging efforts, road washouts, dam failures, levee breaches, disaster declarations, and a fool guiding a kayak over Minnehaha Falls recently dominated the news. Longfellow’s poem is especially ironic because the small Minnehaha Creek island base of the statue of Hiawatha and Minnehaha at Minnehaha Falls flooded. Some rain must fall, indeed. The songbirds in my backyard are wearing hip waders and swim goggles and the mosquitoes are out in force.

Longfellow’s poem was not a weather observation. After all, it didn’t mention forecasts or reference a Doppler radar unit with a cutesy name. Despite its somber tone, the poem is an acknowledgement that life will get better after going through a dark period. In many ways, the dark periods are similar to summer thunderstorms. Some arrive with warning but fizzle out, others arise seemingly from nowhere and depart nearly as quickly, and still others linger for day upon dreary day before the sun peeks through a small hole and eventually burns away the darkness. Like a summer thunderstorm, sometimes the sun reveals damage requiring a cleanup effort. The effort is either small enough to undertake by oneself or large enough to require help from family and friends. It is important to keep the lines of communication open and keep offering to help. Sometimes knowing people are available to help is enough of a boost to begin repairs. I know I would not have made it through the past few years without a lot of support and love from my family and close friends, and from the support of people willing to help a stranger.

Thank you for taking time from your day to read my musings, and thank you for your support!

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by | June 18, 2014 · 8:27 pm

Oma lehmä on ojassa – cows and vested interests?

The Twin Cities area is enduring a nearly record-breaking wet June. Areas in outstate Minnesota that were in moderate drought earlier this year are now lake front properties. The wet weather combined with an unusually huge mosquito hatching has curtailed outdoor activities, but allowed me to do some overdue de-cluttering.

During my reorganizing, I found another intriguing Finnish translation Lucy kept. Linus Torvalds, the Finnish inventor of the Linux operating system, used the phrase “oma lehma ojassa” during an interview, which he said derives from “oma lehmä on ojassa“. The literal translation for the former phrase is “vested interests”; the latter phrase means “your cow is in the ditch”. The Finns have a great sense of humor and there are two explanations for the phrase. The first explanation is that pasture land is at a premium in Finland so having a cow in the ditch means getting a little free feed along with providing a public service by keeping the grass short enough to not obstruct visibility. The downside is a cow in the ditch likely becomes a cow on the road, and a cow on the road does not move swiftly away from an oncoming vehicle. Cows definitely share that trait with deer. The other explanation is that a cow sometimes broke through a fence and ended up in the ditch, oftentimes with water and deep mud in it. Once in the ditch, the cow could not climb back up to the pasture. The cow’s owner would require help getting the bovine out of the ditch and back to the pasture, so it was in the farmer’s best interest to persuade neighbors to help.

Having a vested interest in a transaction or an outcome is not the same as a “quid pro quo” (from Latin meaning “this for that”) interest because one party does not expect something in return of the other party. For example, a corporation may sponsor a non-controversial charity event. The charity directly benefits from the sponsorship resources and the corporation indirectly benefits from positive public relations. A quid pro quo interest is a Political Action Committee (PAC) pouring money into a political candidate’s campaign. The campaign benefits from the cash infusions for ads but the candidate is now expected to something in return for the PAC.

Many of the online Facebook games reward players if the player has a large number of “friends”. This basis for this type of vested interest relationship is mutual need and in some cases, the player gets scammed by a new-found “friend”. Relationships based on need disintegrate quickly after satisfying the need. Other online games promote a quid pro quo relationship with Facebook gaming “friends”. The player performs tasks or challenges for another player and hopes the other player reciprocates. A quid pro quo relationship usually dissolves because one party perceives the other party as not reciprocating in kind, of being all take and no give.

Friendship in the purest sense of the word is not a vested interest or a quid pro quo arrangement. Its foundation is altruism and its floor is trust. True friends do favors without regard to payback, they trust each other unconditionally. No one carries a ledger book for tracking favor costs and no one is worrying about leaked secrets or damaging lies. It does not start out with a “you must trust me, but I don’t trust you” paradigm or with a combative disrespectful stance. Most of us have a great number of acquaintances and a small number of true friends. The true friends are worth cherishing.

Let your close friends know that you appreciate them and that your life is better because of them. They don’t expect anything in return but would appreciate the sentiment. Give your special someone a meaningful hug or three. Hugs are free and always brighten someone’s day. As for vested interests, the proverbial “cow in the ditch”, save the livestock wrangling for an online farming game and minimize it in your life.

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