Category Archives: friends

by | December 26, 2012 · 7:22 pm

‘Twas the night after Christmas

Another Christmas has come and gone. The gifts are opened, the meals enjoyed, the dishes done (or mostly done), and for many of us, our travels are completed…until the stores open for after Christmas bargain shopping, returns, and preparing for the New Year’s party. I tip my hat to those of you in retail that made it through the day today. I also hope that everyone had a happy and safe Christmas.

I spent Christmas Eve at my brother’s place in Goodhue. My parents also made the trip from southwestern Minnesota. John and Nina hosted a very nice gathering. There were new foods to enjoy and a lot of laughter to share.

My nephew Jake was there and introduced us to his girlfriend. It’s hard to believe he’s old enough to date someone much less having a driver’s license. I also found out my friend Kelleen’s daughter Amanda is engaged. In both cases, the Romans would have shaken their heads and muttered “tempus fugit” which roughly translates to “time flees”. Albert Einstein once explained the theory of relativity by saying “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.” The happy times seem to fly by so quickly while the unhappy times drag on for an eternity.

Christmas Day was my day of solitude. It wasn’t a long, sad day and I got through it. I visited Lucy at the cemetery and saw there were very few human tracks besides mine in the whole cemetery. Dawn Valley is only about 30 acres so I can see just about the whole area from the roads through the cemetery. There were deer tracks at nearly every grave that had a wreath or flowers placed. It was also one of the few times I have been there when there has been no breeze. That was a blessing since the temperature was only about 10°F at 4:00 in the afternoon. Suzy called last night to chat, which I appreciated. It was so different without Lucy actually being with me.

I met my cousin Julie for breakfast today. We went to Jensen’s Cafe in Burnsville. It was my first time there, and I was surprised at how huge the servings are and how steady the business was, although parking sucks. I haven’t had a chance to see her since Lucy’s funeral so it was nice getting almost caught up. I have a couple of friends I hope to catch up with next month.

Technology has allowed us to stay connected to loved ones, at least when the technology works. There was quite the uproar over Netflix having a several hour outage on Christmas Eve. Working technology has allowed us to reconnect with friends and family living thousands of miles away. I am quite grateful for those advances. Email is nice, but seeing a live smile is better. Phone calls are more personal, but a face-to-face conversation is still so much better. Skype and other video communication services come close, but can’t transmit a handshake, a hug, or a kiss. There is something intangible about human contact that technology will never match.

Take a few minutes to set aside the shiny new Christmas present device (or the not-so-new device) and hug a loved one. In my area of the world, it is cold enough where a hug warms a person on the outside, too. That’s why someone invented the pause button!

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Filed under family, friends, rebuilding, weather

by | June 9, 2012 · 10:07 pm

The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get

Benjamin Franklin wanted “Tempus Fugit” (time flees) as the motto of the United States, and had that motto placed on some of the Continental Congress coinage. Working extra hours shortens my week, of course. I swear about the time Silverlight starts making sense something else throws me for a loop. I know my brain is not functioning at anywhere near 100%, which isn’t helping. I keep blanking out on stuff that I know.

Minnesota Oncology sent a sympathy card that arrived on Monday because the post office screwed up delivery. It was very nice of them to send the card. Lucy and I knew she got the best possible care there.

There were three birthdays, Jane on the 6th, John on the 7th and Julie G. on the 8th, that I haven’t properly acknowledged. Happy belated birthday to each of you.

The flower gardens are hitting their stride. I need to get a few more photos in the photo gallery. The Asian lilies are spectacular this year and the ancient and sickly peony actually bloomed. It looks like I’ll get a pretty good crop of blackberries and raspberries and the string beans I am growing in containers on the deck are setting flower buds. Now that the monsoon season has ended, the lawn doesn’t require twice per week mowing.

Lucy would be happy with the increased number of monarchs I am seeing. Monarchs had a huge population crash several years ago when a large wintering area for them got unseasonably cold and killed a few billion of them. The dragonflies are busy and I’m seeing sphinx moths, which almost look like hummingbirds. I have not seen a hummingbird yet this year, but I’m sure they are out there.

Wednesday will be two months since Lucy’s passing. In some ways, it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, yet in other ways, it seems like two million years.

The weather has cooperated nicely for the Twin Cities area as of late. It sounds like tomorrow night could bring some rain and possibly a few storms our way. The air conditioner has been getting a workout lately, too.

Give our loved ones a hug tonight and make it meaningful. You may be surprised at how much a good hug is appreciated, especially when they go from plentiful to scarce.

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Filed under family, friends, gardening, rebuilding, weather

by | June 3, 2012 · 8:23 pm

Thank God for friends

I had a great Memorial Day weekend. The workweek got long. I like the company, I like my co-workers, my bosses are great, but we’re on a very aggressive product timeline and I’m trying to contribute without slowing everyone else down. I spent seven hours in the office Saturday to get as much behind schedule stuff done as I could. I’ve learned quite a bit of stuff these past three weeks but I have only begun to scratch the surface. For success as a new hire, one needs to endure some short-term pain to get long-term gain.

Today was an example of where friends come in. I got to catch up a bit during a large landscaping job with a friend I hadn’t seen in about fifteen years, though we’ve exchanged emails and IMs through the years. It’s funny how we picked up as if the last time we had seen each other was last week. That’s the most wonderful part about long-time friends. Thanks, Kell! It was nice meeting her husband, Darren, and seeing her daughter, Amanda, too.

Tomorrow is a tough day. It would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. I’m going to work tomorrow and start hammering away on a complex project I’m a week behind on completing. It sounds like thunderstorms are forecast for tomorrow afternoon and evening, so I might not get to the cemetery, either. Lightning seems to like the spruce trees near Lucy’s grave. I think she’d rather wait for me to join her from natural causes rather than from ten billion joules of electricity running through me (and yes, I had to Google that piece of trivia). We normally would go to Don Pablo’s or Romano’s Macaroni Grill for dinner, especially since our anniversary falls on a weekday and we both have to get up early the day after. My guess is many people thought we were a boring couple, but we enjoyed spending time together. That was our gift to each other: time spent together. It meant more than anything we could buy. We had to share our week with work, but we tried to spend as much time together during our weekends. They were precious to us.

It’s been nearly two months since Lucy died. I know I’m slowly healing and I hope the others who love her are feeling some healing, too. She was a very special woman. As I wrote in her eulogy, it took time for me to get the courage to ask her out. The more I got to know her, the more it seemed right. I wanted to be sure that I wasn’t getting my hopes up only to find she didn’t feel the same towards me as I did towards her. It seriously damaged a wonderful friendship decades ago when I saw what I wanted to believe, and I didn’t want to go through that again.

Perhaps that’s why I remember so many seemingly trivial details about our relationship. Our first kiss took a while because I didn’t want to mess up a good thing. I could see how happy she was when we were together and it took a bit to be sure I was the one making her happy. So much for my above average observation powers, eh? I believe in wasting no opportunity, but some opportunities require more care than others, none more so than l’affaires de cœuer. (If I butchered the French, it’s been about 35 years since I ran through a French Berlitz class. My Spanish and Latin are slipping badly and I have totally forgotten what little Norwegian, German, and Danish I knew.)

I’m grateful for those of you who read this blog. I have no idea what the future holds for me. Some of you have lost a spouse and have found love again. Perhaps that is in my future, but Lucy will always be special to me no matter what. Some of you are in long-term relationships and/or marriages, and my hope is that your happily ever after lasts for many more years. Others are battling health issues, or being a caregiver for a loved one, with a great deal of dignity, good humor, and courage and I hope your battle is fought on your terms. Some of you have loved ones serving in the military and are enduring a long separation, and I hope your loved one returns safely so you can keep going with your happily ever after.

The common thread is that love gets us through life. Love is a priceless blessing that someone shares with you. I find inspiration, strength, peace and hope in each of you. Thank you for sharing that with me.

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Filed under friends, philosophy, rebuilding

by | May 9, 2012 · 10:18 pm

“Nights are Forever Without You”

The England Dan and John Ford Coley hit from the mid 1970’s pretty much sums up how I am holding up now. I’m finally managing to get close to a full night’s sleep without waking up every couple of hours. I know the sleeping will get better. Right now, I’m trying to get a lot of the administrative stuff done before I start my new job. The challenge of the new job will also contribute to some insomnia, but that will abate when I start contributing and earning my keep.

Lucy wanted me to move forward. I’ve been trying to do many of the things Lucy and I would do together: walks, gardening, household chores, grocery shopping. It’s strange coming up from the basement office and not seeing her in her glider rocker watching TV or reading; that was always a good time to do something incredibly ridiculous to get her to laugh. When we would go for our almost nightly walks, I would get her smiling or laughing a couple of times; now it’s a quiet time to reflect. Gardening was semi-serious business for us and we enjoyed doing it; it still is enjoyable. I would help Lucy with household chores, though I was usually relegated to yard duty; I have a deeper appreciation for single mothers now since they do so much on their own. We both hated grocery shopping though I would try to lighten things up; now it’s a task to do.

For those who have asked, I am eating properly. I dropped a lot of weight mostly because Lucy and I changed our diets to help her cancer battle. I’m still down almost 70 pounds and intend to keep it off. I had bought a suit about four years ago for a sales presentation. I showed Lucy’s siblings how it no longer fit “Biggest Loser” style. The pants nearly went around me twice.

I had a friend tell me a long time ago that just because you no longer cry for someone doesn’t mean you no longer love that person. What happens is as the sadness and sorrow diminish, happy memories fill in those spots. I’m already finding that out firsthand. Love conquers sorrow.

Everyone’s kindnesses are helping so much now. Thank you, Ginger, for sending a nice sympathy card and note today. Thank you, Julie, for calling to see how I was doing and for getting me to laugh a little. Thank you, Cathy from GBS, taking time from your hectic schedule to allow me to pick up Lucy’s belongings at work. Each of those acts is deeply appreciated.

So here’s hoping for some rare events in the near future: rainless days in May and the Twins winning some ballgames. Let your loved ones know you love them and thank you for your time.

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Filed under family, friends, music, rebuilding

by | April 26, 2012 · 9:54 pm

Tributes, day three, and the blog will go on

Today is the last of the tributes from Lucy’s funeral. Some were from people who could not attend the funeral but wanted to share their memories. I am so thankful to everyone who took the time to write a tribute.

The blog will continue because Lucy’s story has not finished. Thank you for sticking with me through this tough time.

The tributes for today:

Please accept my deepest sympathies on your loss, and also accept my thanks for the time and inner strength it took to share Lucy’s journey with us on your blog. Your notes always helped friends and colleagues to keep up with both the good and the bad.

Lucy was an important part of our team at Gallagher and will be greatly missed for many reasons.

Anyone who knew Lucy knows that she was not afraid of hard work and was incredibly dedicated to her clients and colleagues. After her initial surgery and diagnosis back in 2010, she was very anxious to get back to work and focus on moving past the health challenge.

Lucy’s quiet determination to beat this thing served as an inspiration to us all. No matter what was going on or whatever set-back was being faced. Her inner strength was just incredible as she would take time off, have a surgery or chemo treatment, and then come back to work like nothing was amiss.

Being compensation people and consultants, we like numbers and quantifiable relationships. Here is my take on Lucy: Determination + Strength + Dependability + Grace + Smile = Lucy

I know that Lucy will be an Angel for you, watching and helping you as best she can.

God bless you, Lucy. We miss you.

Scott Hamilton
National Managing Director
HRadvantage, a division of Gallagher Benefit Services, Inc.

I am thankful for the opportunity to have known Lucy and be part of her journey for a short time. Her courage and determination to beat cancer was amazing. Being part of the Ovarian Cancer 5K walk/run with her and Ken in September 2011 was an inspiring experience. All of us at Gallagher were anxious to have her win her battle even though it slowly became more apparent that this was not to be the case. Thank you for sharing through Journey of the Teal Owl. I will miss Lucy very much.

Cathy Johnson
Manager, Technology & Operations
Gallagher Benefit Services, Inc.

I worked with Lucy for more than seven years and only really got to know her in these last two years. What I will miss most about Lucy is her smile and her positive attitude. She was a quiet person but I found as I got to know her she was very willing to have a conversation and they often ended with smiles and laughter. I don’t think I ever heard Lucy complain, whether it was about her job or her health. I will personally miss her, and our team will too.

Karen Pielow
Area Senior Vice President, Client Services & Operations
Gallagher Benefit Services, Inc.

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Filed under friends, rebuilding