Category Archives: family

by | May 9, 2012 · 10:18 pm

“Nights are Forever Without You”

The England Dan and John Ford Coley hit from the mid 1970’s pretty much sums up how I am holding up now. I’m finally managing to get close to a full night’s sleep without waking up every couple of hours. I know the sleeping will get better. Right now, I’m trying to get a lot of the administrative stuff done before I start my new job. The challenge of the new job will also contribute to some insomnia, but that will abate when I start contributing and earning my keep.

Lucy wanted me to move forward. I’ve been trying to do many of the things Lucy and I would do together: walks, gardening, household chores, grocery shopping. It’s strange coming up from the basement office and not seeing her in her glider rocker watching TV or reading; that was always a good time to do something incredibly ridiculous to get her to laugh. When we would go for our almost nightly walks, I would get her smiling or laughing a couple of times; now it’s a quiet time to reflect. Gardening was semi-serious business for us and we enjoyed doing it; it still is enjoyable. I would help Lucy with household chores, though I was usually relegated to yard duty; I have a deeper appreciation for single mothers now since they do so much on their own. We both hated grocery shopping though I would try to lighten things up; now it’s a task to do.

For those who have asked, I am eating properly. I dropped a lot of weight mostly because Lucy and I changed our diets to help her cancer battle. I’m still down almost 70 pounds and intend to keep it off. I had bought a suit about four years ago for a sales presentation. I showed Lucy’s siblings how it no longer fit “Biggest Loser” style. The pants nearly went around me twice.

I had a friend tell me a long time ago that just because you no longer cry for someone doesn’t mean you no longer love that person. What happens is as the sadness and sorrow diminish, happy memories fill in those spots. I’m already finding that out firsthand. Love conquers sorrow.

Everyone’s kindnesses are helping so much now. Thank you, Ginger, for sending a nice sympathy card and note today. Thank you, Julie, for calling to see how I was doing and for getting me to laugh a little. Thank you, Cathy from GBS, taking time from your hectic schedule to allow me to pick up Lucy’s belongings at work. Each of those acts is deeply appreciated.

So here’s hoping for some rare events in the near future: rainless days in May and the Twins winning some ballgames. Let your loved ones know you love them and thank you for your time.

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Filed under family, friends, music, rebuilding

by | May 6, 2012 · 10:00 pm

So today’s NOT Mother’s Day

After wishing Suzy and Julie a happy Mother’s Day, I realized I was a week early. At least I didn’t mail my mother her card yet.

After another major soaking today, I think we can say we’re out of the drought. The storm rumbled through at about 2:00 am and ended by 2:45 am. It dumped 1.42″ of rain and some pea-sized hail. I can’t see any garden damage, but that might take a couple of days to show up.

Lucy knew about my new job. I had interviewed on March 20th and we found out the next morning that Lucy’s battle turned significantly worse. I called them to turn down the position. Later that day I heard back they would hold the job open while Lucy needed me.

I had promised Lucy I would take care of some tasks for her this year. The basement steps are almost fully painted and my back and knees are letting me know it. That was on hold because I didn’t want to expose her to paint fumes. Even low odor paint with no Volatile Organic Chemicals (VOCs) still off-gases as it dries.

So even though it’s not Mother’s Day, give your mom a hug anyway. She’s earned it!

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Filed under family, rebuilding, weather

by | April 27, 2012 · 8:35 pm

Another tribute

Lucy’s brother, Steve, just sent a very touching tribute tonight.

Memories are all I have now of my oldest sister Lucy. I remember Lucy took immaculate care of whatever she owned when we were growing up. Whether it be her Western Flyer bicycle or her 1st purchased car, a 1974 vinyl top Buick, and to all the other cars she owned, they were well taken care of. I guess that carried through the rest of her life as she took care of her home, her gardens, and her husband Ken. A wonderful trait to have.

Her listening ear will be greatly missed. When our Mom started having medical issues, Lucy was readily available to listen to me and give input if I were doing the right thing to see Mom was getting the best care. Lucy was unable to visit our mother when she was ailing due to the fact Lucy was beginning her battle with cancer. Even though Lucy was going to doctor visits and chemo treatments, she made it to our childhood home to clean it out before our putting the house on the market after Mom died and Dad was relocating to Burnsville. Just seeing her with us during this closing chapter in our lives brought much comfort to me.

I have fond memories of going on bike rides with Lucy.  Those carefree summer days of growing up are still vivid in my memories. As teenagers, we would pack up the family car and go to the family cabin on Lake Vermilion or a beach at Lake Leander for the day. Another fun memory is when we were in our late teens and stayed with our relatives in Princeton. We once drove to Ridgedale and spent the day shopping with what little money we had back then. I could depend on Lucy to be my co-pilot in our travels.

Lucy’s battle with cancer was reinforcement to me that life is so fragile and to live each day fully. We can never turn back the clock of time but can only move forward as Lucy would want us to do. Her presence on this earth will be missed but the gentle wind on a summer morning or the beauty a flower will remind me of my dear sister who rests in Peace.

I will miss you, Lucy, until we meet again.

Your brother,
Steve Honkanen

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Filed under family, rebuilding

by | April 25, 2012 · 6:59 pm

Tributes, day two

One little piece of business first: the funeral home sent me something they found. It appears to be a button or insert. It is burnished gray, looks like a flower, and has a crystal in the middle. I think it may have been from one of the GBS people? I would like to get it back to its rightful owner.

Here are a couple more tributes:

To my big sis Lu,

I have wonderful memories of our childhood: I remember you reading to me and taking walks in the woods. You taught me how to play piano. You would take me to Duluth to see a movie or to go shopping. You took me to my first rock concert. Lucy, you were my rock; I knew I could always count on you in good times and in bad. I will miss you so very much and every time I see a bowl of pansies or strawberries, I will think of you.

Julie (Honkanen) Greenbush

My sincere condolences are offered to you in the memory of Lucy. As a former classmate of Lucy, I will surely miss the fact that I will never be able to see or talk to my very 1st friend in school. We were a small group that managed to make it through all 12 grades together. Lucy takes with her a number of my 1st’s we shared together. My 1st non-family birthday party, etc.

I have lived out-of-state for over 28 years and have recently moved back to Minnesota, back to the Pike-Sandy area, and haven’t had much of a chance to reconnect with all I have known. So this even saddens me as I feel gain this part of me will be missed. Again, my prayers are with you all, that time will soon heal the sadness and renew you with the joy of the great gift Lucy’s presence we shared and carry in our hearts.

Kelly (Kangas) Beyer-Sheffield

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hazel has kept me informed on Lucy’s ups and downs. According to your mom, Lucy has fought the battle until the end. She was a great person and I know you will miss her greatly. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We know that she will be up in Heaven with Rob. Both of them will be watching over you. Just remember all of the good times the two of you had. That’s what I do when I think of Rob. You have to treasure all of the years that you had with each other. Take care!

Denise Van Steenwyk

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Filed under administrative, family, friends, rebuilding

by | April 9, 2012 · 9:17 pm

“Monday, Monday”

Lucy is still hanging tough though her body is slowing down even more. She is managing to wake up for short intervals. Both of her sisters were over today and Lucy managed to smile at them. Even something as simple as smiling or speaking a few words saps her energy. She is resting comfortably and seems very peaceful. Lucy had an aide over to clean her and the hospice chaplain stopped by for a few minutes. For Lucy, that was a very busy day.

My parents came back today. They left early yesterday afternoon because of bad weather that was rolling into their area. Steve and Liz had dropped off a nice Easter dinner on Saturday. My parents and I enjoyed that tonight.

Tomorrow her nurse will be by to check on Lucy. A hospice volunteer is coming over to give me a chance to run errands for a couple of hours. I may choose to nap instead.

Today’s post title is from a 1966 song by The Mamas and The Papas.

Thank you for your caring! Lucy and I deeply appreciate that!

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Filed under cancer battle, family, hospice, music